FOR SALE
HAT, SLIGHTLY AIRBORNE
Brown flat cap, last seen heading
east at speed over the fells. Will sell
to anyone fast enough to catch it.
£3 ono. Box 41.
TRAMPOLINE (LOCATION TBC)
Selling family trampoline. Currently
somewhere between here and the M6.
Buyer collects (good luck). Free to
whoever finds it first.
GREENHOUSE, FLAT-PACK (NOW LITERALLY FLAT)
Came flat-packed, went flat-packed
again Tuesday night. All glass present,
just rearranged. £0. Box 12.
FIREWOOD
Loads of it. Honestly please take
some, it's the only thing keeping us
going. £2 a barrow. Ask for Maureen.
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WANTED
MY HAT (SEE LEFT)
If found, please return. Sentimental
value. Also my head's cold. Reward:
eternal gratitude + a brew. Box 41.
ONE (1) WARM DAY
Resident seeks a single warm day.
Will travel. Have not felt sun on face
since Blair was PM. Box 7.
PERSONAL
DEREK SEEKS COMPANY
Local darts champion, 61, seeks
someone to stand near the Spar fridge
with. Must enjoy wind. GSOH essential
(you'll need it). Box 1.
LONELY SHEEP SEEKS FLOCK
Got separated near the green.
Answers to "oi". Quite cold. Box "baa".
SERVICES
FENCE REPAIRS
Busiest tradesman in Shap. Booked
until 2029. No, I can't fit you in
before the next storm. Nobody can.
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